Absolutely Fabulous

The Corn Exchange - Cambridge UK

Inside the C.E. WE sat in the row front right of this picture

We four pedaled into town to see Jennifer Saunders at the Corn Exchange. This is a large building which is surprisingly ornate considering its original purpose was for farmers and buyers to haggle over agricultural produce.

Her new book is available in audio form which
would be a hilarious way of hearing about her life

 After locking our bikes up and stashing the lights in my bag, we took M to Nandos for tea because he had never been before. The Macho peas were a hit - does the addition of a little chilli to the normal mint concotion make the tender little things manly?

The Ely bookstore ladies had the tickets sorted into alphabetical order so the pick up was streamlined leaving lots of time to sit in the venue before the 7:30 start to admire the patterns and moldings in the building. Unfortunately M's seat was wet so the jackets were quickly piled under him annoying the people behind I'm sure.  We have never discussed why the seat was wet but to alleviate the conflict between chivarlry and digust in M's mind I offered for my jacket to be placed below his Chicago Bears coat!

Our tickets - bought through the promoter,
Ely bookshop - must go there one day

When booking the tickets for the family I had thought that it was for a stand up routine. When I saw the 2 seats and coffee table with a screen hanging behind on stage I suddenly realised that this was a book launch interview.  Not quite what the girls were expecting but they very politely said they had enjoyed it anyway. I guess stories about Ms Saunders seeing the tattoos under Dolly Parton's breasts at a New York restaurant table while suffering from jetlag and being tiddly at a prize giving ceremony at a Gay pride do with Joanna Lumney all dressed up as their AbFab alter egos are going to be entertaining no matter what format they are delivered in.

She told a story about a Principal she had had who was much like the one in Dahl's Matilda. This paragon of the teaching profession went to court for caning a girl so badly that she was literally unable to sit down for a week.  The charges were dropped because the judge at the time thought that the girl's crimes - blowing raspberries at her teacher and stealing her pen which she then sold on for a pound to be dreadful enough to warrant such punishment.

After leaving school she went to a college to become a drama teacher.  Here she met the woman interviewing her on the night, Jobo, and Dawn French(Vicar of Dibley). Jennifer and Dawn went on to  perform live standup together at the comic strip - called this because above the basement theatre were several strip clubs.  She thought that many an older bloke in Mac raincoats were disappointed when neither of them removed their clothes. The comic duo French and Saunders was born.

When Ms French was unable to fulfill her contract at one stage, their agent told Ms Saunders that she had to fill the studio bookings by herself.  This was the motivation, for a person who thinks procrastination should be named a disease so she could go to a clinic for it and be cured, needed to create Absolutely Fabulous. This is one of my favourite shows but no matter how much hinting, I still haven't received the series on DVD from my family!  Oh well kids - it's my B-day soon!

Ab Fab duo

In the question time afterwards she even said that a movie and new series were about to be produced - in my delight and audible whooping in support of the announcement (Daughters and husband slowly sinking in chairs - difficult for M with coats still puffy beneath him.) I think I may have missed an ironic lilt in the voice.  M thinks that her following statement that she will probably record it in Cambridge should hint at disappointment of these hopes.

We escaped through a side door to avoid the huge queues having their books signed. Back at the bicycle stands we reattached our lights and toddled off home in single file - Petal leading at a break neck speed (makes this old idiom sound literal!) with a torch gaffa taped to her handle bars because the lights I bought for her have clamps that don't fit her bike frame.  It was a funny feeling sailing past Billy Smart's circus in Midsummer common. Willow crouched down low and whizzed past her sedately pedaling mother - with our red noses from the cold night and wind chill all we needed were stripy suits and big shoes to get a free pass in.

We went to the circus last night. I didn't see anyone who looked like the Smarts I know. Hearing the circus folk talking confirmed that 'Britain's Greatest' circus is as English as Sauerkraut.

His hat was on fire! His ladder swings through 360
and his fie hose would only squirt behind him into the audience

The clown was great but really stressed M and Willow out by making forays into the crowd looking for people to join in.  Their APS rose to a peak when he was collecting people for a center ring act. Luckily the worst we suffered was a bit of a sprinkle from his 'tears' via a hand pump in his pocket. The girls were a bit disappointed because of the lack of animals - the closest being some giant stuffed ones as raffle prizes in the interval. Petal was happy to be able to buy Candy floss rather than a raffle ticket.

The trapeze artists and acrobatic troupe were pretty amazing. Incredibly strong and toned. My favourite act was a firefighter clown with a ladder that swung around an axis.  He was having a great time.  The little kids in the tent roared when the clown bent over while blowing a raspberry and squeezing out a spurt or two of talc from a little hole in the back seam of his trousers. A juggler played a drum kit really well with about 6 balls - amazing dexterity.

M and I wore our wellies(gumboots) so we could walk home straight through the common.  The girl's choose to walk with us instead of heading up to the path and I have put their shoes into the boiler cupboard to dry out. Luckily Willow's prediction of tripping face first into the only cow pat in the field didn't come true.

Read most of: Sweet Tooth by Ian McEwan Vintage bks
Very disappointing. The premise held great promise but the plot got bogged down in relationships that were poorly sketched and hollow. This male author wrote about a female protagonist that was said to be highly intelligent but was portrayed as making consistently impulsive and stupidly emotional decisions all the way through.  I skimmed the last third because I was so bored with both the shallow plot, setting and characters. The short stories described within the novel are better than the novel. This one is going to the charity shop, no room on my bookshelf for it.

On the edge of the Cotswolds

We were planning on a trip to Windsor Castle but their exhibitions are closed until next month so we thought we'd check out the other University town for lunch and have our first foray into the Cotswold district.

Oxford, a town on the Thames where the cows could walk across and the first University Town in England.
The first Uni was established here in 1096 beaten only in the world by one in Bologna.
Cambridge is England's second University established in 1209 by those escaping religious exclusion at Oxford.

Oxford - Main Street - We didn't even go into the book store.

Oldest Building - Saxon Tower of St Michael
at the North Gate c1020CE

Crooked Tudor house across the street
from the Saxon Tower

Oxford seemed bigger than Cambridge with a very wide main street now paved off for pedestrians and it was full of people. We grabbed a Cornish pasty for lunch and ate on the run, people were much to busy to notice the pastry flakes on our chins in the press of the crowds. Although one woman noticed and asked if Willow and I would like to sign up for a 'styling experience' in London the following week!

Rowan Atkinson fan club members will be interested to know that Willow and Petal have now walked at least one street that Bean's creator did. He completed his Master of Science in Electrical Engineering at Queen's College in Oxford. Tony Abbott studied here in 1981 as a Rhodes Scholar. The current UK Prime Minister, David Cameron graduated with firsts in Political science and Economics at an Oxford College and Margaret Thatcher managed a 2nd class Chemistry degree here - apparently she spent more time in student union politics than her studies. More at http://www.oxforduniversityfilm.com/oxford-alumni.html

Christ Church Cathedral and dorms behind the English garden

Dinning Hall  M was impressed with Plum pudding for 1pound
2 sittings every evening for all students and Dons

Petal off to the sorting hat.

Gate Tower and Quad

We paid 14GBP to walk through Christ Church College (Ch Ch). The Canterbury city in Sth NZ is named after this college who had its first female students graduate in 1980. When we left, the queue to enter was back to the famous Christ church Meadow - what luck to be able to have walked straight in. Lewis Carol wrote Alice in Wonderland here and the gift shop was full of souvenirs from his fiction. Howard Goodall and Richard Curtis are also famous Alumni with their CDs and DVDs stocked in the shop. The stairway up to the dining hall was where Neville found his toad in the Philosopher's stone and the dinning hall was used as a model for Hogwarts. Many other fantasy and historical films have used this beautiful old place as a setting. I thought it interesting that a place who teaches the future clergy of England should sell merchandise from fantasies damned by many conservative Christians. Petal was delighted to content her pyromania cravings by being allowed to buy an advent candle with the dates of December marked down the side, not sure that she'll be quite so happy when she discovers that it is used to time prayers during the advent season!  http://www.chch.ox.ac.uk/visiting/harry-potter 

The College educated the clergy and politicians of England's elite in the three 'Greats' Classical Languages, Philosophy and History. They now have a much broader subject choice and student enrollment is not limited to the aristocracy. Henry VIII took the College property from Cardinal Wosley and rebuilt much as well as establishing a sister College(Trinity) in Cambridge at the same time. Christopher Wren designed the Gate Tower leading into Wosley's Quad. A bell called Great Tom was rung 101(the number of original students) times at midnight to announce curfew.  All the other College's had a curfew of midnight but because it takes 20 mins to ring the 101 peels Christ Church College students could stay out that much later. Now it is rung at 9pm Oxford standard time but ChCh students still have 12:20 as their curfew.

This is Bourton-on-the-water. Being the quintessential Cotswold it is very touristy but we are tourists so we loved it.
Looks like M, Petal and Willow will be another tourist's video.

Autumnal Ivy

One of the many places available for holiday rent

Driving from Oxford to Bourton-on-the-water took us through Little and Greater Barrington through narrow roads and tight corners. Beautiful little villages - if we'd just stayed put on the road for a while I'm sure we would have been surrounded by deer, rabbits, badgers and squirrels. Weekend afternoons are obviously a good time for locals to visit the pub because there were quite a few with very full car parks along the 10km road between the A40 and Bourton ...

The sun came out and the autumn colours glowed. There were lots of little shops that we enjoyed poking our noses into. Crafty stores that Willow dubs skip fodder shops and a model railway store for the boys. There was even the 'Home of Brum' with a motor and toy museum attached. Petal's favourite were the many sweet and ice cream shops. I liked the Christmas shop and found a non-chocolate, Biblical Advent calendar that wouldn't burn down the house. With the nearby Bird zoo the girls reckon this must be Granny Eden.

Nana would like this shop

Good Raspberry hand made chocs in here

Gramps might even enjoy a look through here

This little window is jutting out right over the strem

M telling another yarn over yet another cream tea.

20p needed for the nicest public loos I've seen in a while and very clean. After all that tea it was worth a visit before the trip back home. The weather was closing in and Charlie doesn't like being left alone in the dark.

Laurie Lee (1914-97) wrote this poem, he is from a village on the Western edge of the Cotswolds (Slad). He bought a cottage in his childhood village with the proceeds from his first book. Part of one that suits the autumn colours we saw follows.

Day of These Days

Such a morning it is when love

leans through geranium windows

and calls with a cockerel's tongue.

When red-haired girls scamper like roses

over the rain-green grass;

and the sun drips honey.

...

Such a morning it is when mice

run whispering from the church,

dragging dropped ears of harvest.

...

When no table is bare

and no beast dry,

and the tramp feeds on ribs of rabbit.

Reading:  A Curious Earth by Gerard Woodward -  Vintage Books 2007
Widower and retired art teacher nearly dies, finds a desire to paint again and reconnect with his children. He becomes obsessed with Rembrandt and decides that his wife's passing does not mean he is a dried up old fossil after all; although he does have difficulties convincing the ladies after losing his false teeth on the Channel crossing to Belgium. I am loving the word pictures put in the mouths and minds of an unlikely bunch of characters.

"All this time Aldous had spent looking at the cupboard, when in fact the cupboard had been looking at him, insistently, unblinkingly.  It took a while for him to accept this fact and the uncomfortable conclusion that resulted - that some old potatoes in his cupboard were more actively interested inlife than he was." p6

"Not all the pancreatitis sufferers were alcoholics. Some were very resentful of the fact that the illness should be associated with alcohol at all....One of them once confided in Aldous, assuming him to be one of their non-drinking number, 'It's like we've gone to the doctor's with a headache and been put in a lunatic asylum..." p37

"It made him laugh and the laughter, in combination with the tugging Channel gale, helped unseat that which he'd guarded so carefully before, had guarded so carefully all his life, but which this time was taken from him in a second - both sets. With a short rasp and slurp his false teeth were out of his head and snatched away by the wind, uppers and lowers both.  He made a grab at them but was far too late.  For what seemed like an hour, they hung in mid-air in front of him, glittering, whiplashing strings of spittle dangling from them.  They had rotated to face him, still in their pairing, smiling at him out of the sky, a grin without a face, receding, laughing at him, until they'd shrunk to two little white dots, enough to make (so he imagined) a visible splash as they entered the sea a hundred feet below and a quarter of a mile behind him."  p61-62. 

Sparkles at the Tower of London

The building that  houses the Crown Jewels

I'm not sure that this little fellow
will scare would be thieves away

A friendly Yoeman Warder (Beefeater). All retired from the armed forces
with at least 22yrs of service and the long service - good conduct medal.
Their costume is a Tudor design, this is not
their dress costume which has an Elizabethean ruff.
They act as guards, tour guides and one is the Ravenmaster! 

We drove down to London to see the Queen's Jewels. M found Minories council parking station only a block away from the Tower of London that wasn't going to cost a King's ransom. We got there just too late to see the Yoeman Warders performing the ceremony to unlock the gates for the day and decided not to stay for the closing at 5:30.

Edward I's bedroom in the Medieval Tower

The Crown Jewels are housed in the Waterloo barracks, in transparent boxes with a travelater running past the main collection, guards, cameras and pressure alarms no doubt - just like the Johnny English film suggests. Before this they were kept in a safe and guarded by the 'Keeper of the Crown Jewels' in a refurbished section of the Medieval Palace. In 1671 a thrill seeker called Thomas Blunt and his gang tried to steal the jewels after tying up the poor guard and stuffing a piece of wood in his mouth but luckily his son returned from his travels unexpectedly and raised the alarm. You would think these reckless thieves would have been hung drawn and quartered for their treason but Charles II pardoned them.

Not keen for a little needlework ladies?
A window bay in the Medieval throne room

Imperial Crown

CullinanI Diamond in scepter

 The Crown Jewels sparkle with brilliant stones collected from through out  the colonies. The largest top quality cut diamond in the world is the Star of Africa (Cullian I) which is set in the scepter with the cross (this apparently is to symbolise Christian rule), held by the Queen in the photo above from http://www.royal.gov.uk  The orb represents wordly power, it is a hollow golden sphere made for the coronation of Charles II. After Charles I's beheading, Oliver Cromwell had the royal jewels dismantled, sold off and melted down for coins. When the monarchy was restored after 11 years of parliamentary rule, many of the historically precious gems were sold back to the nation and Charles II had them made into the Coronation collection that have been used ever since.

The Imperial Crown has the Black Prince's Ruby at the front. Prince Edward (saved Heath Ledger's character in 'A Knight's Tale') took this in 1367 as payment for helping Don Pedro of Seville put down a civil uprising in Spain. It was originally owned by the Moorish Prince of Granada whom Don Pedro killed during the expulsion of the Jews and Moors from the Iberian peninsula. The Black Prince died a year before his father from an intestinal parasite and became the first ever Prince of Wales not to become King. Below the egg sized red gem is Cullinan II, another huge diamond from Africa. At the back of the crown is the Stuart Sapphire which was taken from the King of Scots in 1296 by Edward I when he also took the Stone of Scone, the place Scottish Kings are crowned. Hanging at the apex of the crossbars are four huge tear drop pearls. Two of these were earrings worn by Elizabeth I. The Imperial Crown celebrates the longest surviving monarchy in the world.

Willow would have loved to pose against this impressive collection of sparkles but the Yoeman guards jumped on anybody with a camera! We had to make do with a beaded lion rampant and unicorn to decorate the Christmas tree that were for sale in the Jewel House shop.

See the original paintings by Ivan Lapper at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings

The Tower of London has so many layers of history from the Romans till today. There are towers with torture devices though it would seem that torture wasn't often used in England. One exception is in the uncovering of treasonous plots. We read about one woman who was racked so much she couldn't walk to her own stake to be burnt. Anne Askew was one of the earliest English poets, she had to marry William Kyme because her older sister died just before the wedding but rebelled by refusing to take his surname. She was the first English woman to demand a divorce from her husband and the only woman to be tortured and executed at the Tower . The jailers were trying to get names of reformation extremists from her - Henry VIII didn't want things getting too out of hand, he liked the control and fear of the old church. Luckily for Katherine Parr, Henry's last wife and sympathetic to Anne's teachings,  Anne did not say a word.

There are towers where the aristocracy were imprisoned. Sir Walter Raleigh was locked up by James I because he was accused of spying for the Spanish, while here he wrote the Greek and Roman installment of 'The History of the World' (A copy of this very fat book is there to be seen).  The conditions weren't too bad though, his wife was allowed to visit and his second son conceived. They had both been in the Tower before but kept separated by the jealous Queen for getting married without her permission.

The White Tower has the original Norman Chapel, where William the Conqueror would have worshiped, restored.  It was an amazing feeling to be looking at masonry with simple but beautiful carvings that were nearly 1000 years old. The armory display is also here. The Duke of Wellington put his hand to the collection and display of military stuff after his success at Waterloo. The wooden horses carved to have examples of armour sitting on them are amazing. HenryVIII's armor is there from when he was a young and lithe sportsman. One set from Italy is covered with double headed dragons wearing crowns and was thought to be too intricate to be real until just recently. The canons, guns and hands on activities would thrill most young boys. Petal preferred the shop at the end that stocked a large variety of rock candy sticks.

Medieval Tower across the Raven run

Ghostly Willow in the Tower

M not moving fast enough along the
battlements above Traitors gate

A special wooden platform for fighting, perhaps Medieval
armies always attacked from NNE.  A 21st C tower behind

Royal residence built for Anne Boleyn
The Shard with the highest viewing
platform in London at 72 stories.

Yeoman residences - between the fighting platform
and the approach to Tower Bridge.

Morning tea - almond slice, Victoria sponge
Jam tart, scones, choc cookie with teas and
Hot Chocs. M keeping an eye out for arrows

Getting up and down the Towers

A tight squeeze in places

A treasure hunt for the most
rebellious carved prisoner calligraphy

The White Tower

Very few people were executed within the walls of the Tower
Anne Boleyn was executed here with a French sword, her
daughter Elizabeth was  2.5yrs old and declared illegitimate.

An archers peep

Traitors Gate - VIPs to be tried for treason entered here by boat
from the Thames.  Edward I palace rooms above, later where the guard
of the crown jewels and his family lived with the safe.

We left the Tower of London and walked across the Tower bridge.  Thanks to many children's book illustrators who used this bridge as a model for the nursery rhyme 'London Bridge is falling down', many people think it is London bridge which is actually one further up the river. It was designed so that pedestrians could cross the river even when the bridge was up for boats to pass. There are stair cases (300 stairs in each) in both towers and a walkway across the top between them. This practical design wasn't popular as most chose to wait for the bridge to lower and walk across.

Gold topped internal staircase

The TOWER Bridge

The Tower of London from across the Thames

We had lunch at a bistro beside the river so M could overlook the HMS Belfast anchored as a naval museum. After our meals had been served we were stunned to silence as the people at the table behind me loudly announced, "Jeez, you got a good city here mate, reminds me of Melbourne mate." When the waiter asked for their drink order we heard "VB or any other Aussie beer thanks mate". Soon there was talk of visiting 'Brisie' and when the waiter inquired if all was well with their meals he was treated to a "Sweet mate". As we rose to leave I expected to see a couple of blokes in boardies but no - pinstriped suit pants and tie less business shirts clothed those words which I truly have always thought were just the stuff of comedy.  Willow has been caught out at school with the "Yeah - nah." expression and the internationals just can't get their heads around sarcasm. I hear myself saying gidday and Petal's friends just call her the genius from Oz because she does her homework every night - she is beginning to realise that perhaps it is an option - help!

A baby Gherkin? - The pickle?
I wondered if this was the trial
for the 30 St Mary Axe building
(real name of the Gherkin) by
the architectural firm Foster and Partners

Booking Macbeth at the Globe - maybe a day off school!

St Peters across the Thames
from the Tate Modern

 Walking down the Thames there are so many new buildings mixed in with the very old.  Shops and eateries everywhere. M was keen for Petal to be able to have a look through the Tate Modern but Willow protested because she hadn't been able to mentally prepare herself for a gallery afternoon. We walked across the footbridge that used to swing until they attached stabilisers, the Millennium bridge, know world wide by Potter fans from the opening scenes of The Half Blood Prince. The side of St Paul's Cathedral sits right at the end, past a very fancy Salvation army headquarters.

As we stood at the crossing waiting for the walk sign a couple of cyclists zoomed through, a guy jay walking almost got collected and then the walk sign lit up and an older guy deliberately stepped in front of the second cyclist and shouldered him.  The cyclist regained his balance and swore at the old guy who was putting on a good display of righteous anger. A couple of tipsy Londoners ran at the cyclist, the woman swinging her hand bag with wild abandon.  They stood either side of the poor Kiwi(he had an All Black jumper on - great win against the Boks to keep them No.1) on his hired Barclay's bike and started shaking him around.  We had crossed the road by now and by the time a couple of double deckers had driven past he had gotten himself free. I must say I was considering going to assist my countryman if things were still going on because my bag was big and full of raincoats, guidebooks and souvenirs so could have done some proper damage!

After deciding not to pay 18GBP each to walk around inside Christopher Wren's amazing building we walked back out and caught a cab back to the Tower, bought some hot caramel peanuts and went back to the car.  It was Charlie's first ever day being left outside with us away all day so we wanted to be before dark.

Watch out for the Paparazzi - the doors automatically
locked when the cab stopped at lights.

So where is the red carpet?

 Just Read: More Than This by Patrick Ness Walker Books 2013
Patrick Ness has won every major prize in children's fiction and the Carnegie Medal twice. This novel tackles isolation v intimacy in a very Matrixesque plot whose main character sounds so real that you feel you are in conversation with him. Pain, hope, despair and purpose for being are shuffled around with skill and a few confronting moments for parents and teens (suicide). The burdens of intelligence, guilt, grief and betrayal are balanced with trust and understanding of what is important and of purpose.

"Here is the boy, drowning .... The sudden gasping horror of knowing this makes him panic even more." p9,10 (they are the first 2 pages of chapter one -not sure why they're numbered this way)

"I'm going to be killed, he thinks, by a PIG. In Hell. The thought was so stupidly outrageous, so insanely anfry-making, that he almost misses the chance to save himself."  p127

"... he thinks that what is forever certain is that there is always more. Always.....Love and care have all kinds of different faces, and within them, there's room for understanding, and for forgiveness, and for more." p479  Commas before 'and' really annoy me but it seems to be a definite trend.