Belated Birthday Backfire

Warning - Content is a bit on the nose and may offend some readers.
Purpose - Penance for the title.

Gas cloud birthday cake topper
Cat's Eye Nebula from zazzle.com.au

Many people who are alive today don't know when their birthday is.  It would seem that most adolescent Indonesian fishing boat crew on their way to this big brown land have no idea what year they were born let alone the month and day - the immigration dept. resorted to wrist x-rays at one stage to measure growth in order to determine whether these young boys were old enough to be charged with people smuggling or not. When living in poverty, life is counted in the days it takes to get the next meal; years really are a luxury.  In ancient Hebrew(1) and neolithic European(2) cultures children weren't even named until they had survived their first year.  Their life rather than their birth was celebrated.

Those of us who live in a culture of specialised skills and an economy functioning well enough to allow for social welfare, certainly know our birthdays. Birthdays are then a celebration of not only the life of the aging one but also of a life lived in security and plenty.  So there is really no excuse for us first worlders to forget our brother's birthdays!

But I did.

On the first of every month I try to recall whom of the family and close friends are celebrating, a bit tough for those born in the lower numbers, so every couple of days in early May I thought of my brother, my niece(18yrs) and my Gran. When a school meeting was booked for the 29th I wondered whether I'd have to go or would have to do the birthday call in the morning to avoid the rush.  My brother and his Fiancé even came and stayed with us for a few days but I wasn't organised enough to have pre-prepared the card and gift designed to show 'see I know who you are and what you might like'.  My husband gave him a CD(3) with 99 different flatus - they both were cracking up (hear Beethoven's 5th as you never wanted to hear it) - I should have put a bow on it right then!

Dear Bro - this quote then is my belated birthday gift to you because you know I hate this word and shake my head at the simple toilet humour children and men delight in, yet here it is celebrated for your enjoyment.

"As you may have guessed, ‘fart’ is not the medical word for the gross/hilarious act of passing gas. The medical term for gas released from the intestinal exit is ‘flatulence.’ ‘Fart’ is a slang term coined in 1632 (yes, even back then people farted). The Oxford English Dictionary defines the transitive verb form of ‘fart’: To send forth as wind from the anus. The word comes from the Old English word ‘feortan’ which means ‘to break wind.’ The OED mentions that the word ‘fart’ is ‘not in decent use.’ However, it has still been used by great English poets, like Geoffrey Chaucer."(4)

The urban dictionary(5) has a very long creative list of terms for this organic reaction which may also provide some entertainment - matching the terms with the tracks on the CD might liven up a rainy afternoon. Sorry soon to be wife.  Following is your card greeting -

Happy Birthday to you,  Keep your wind in the loo,  

Don't ask me to pull your finger,  Cause you might do a ....

My brother is big hearted, rumbles like an approaching train as he prepares to .... laugh his big belly, ear splitting guffaw which we all love and will always lend a hand.  I hope my penance has provided some material to get those wheels on the track without the need for the whistle!

References: 

1 http://www.kotapress.com/section_articles/childDeath/other/historical_death.htm  Joanne Cacciatore

2 http://www.academia.edu/532382/WHEN_THE_BOUGH_BREAKS  Anna Waterman and Jonathan Thomas

3 Pull my Finger: The Fart CD - Release date April 13 2000

4 http://www.omg-facts.com/Other/The-Word-fart-Comes-From-An-Old-English/55768#WR1WLtDYVrXvB9CK.99 

5 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fart

6 http://cheezburger.com - image

Reading Now: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Pocket Books 1999
Observations that are a little confronting in this open account of a teenage boy's coming of age who is a bit special and thinks things like this:
"(I) put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they were supposed to be." p28
"I read a book and I think I am the people in the book. Also when I write letters, I spend the next two days thinking about what I figured out in my letters." p31
"There is this one photograph of Sam that is just beautiful. It would be impossible to describe how beautiful it is, but I'll try.  If you listen to the song 'Asleep' and you think about those pretty weather days that make you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you've known, and you cry, and the person holds you back, then I think you will see the photograph." p51